So..... my roomie came up with a brilliant idea for promoting his website promotethegood dot com. He's having a writing contest AND you can vote for your favorites by "liking" it on the website through facebook AND the winner of the contest gets 100 BUCKS AND he'll donate another 100 bucks to a charity you can choose from a list also on the website. SO, if you would like to win 100 bucks and know how to write go to his website, register, submit and VOTE :D yay! There are a few catches.... first.. at least 30 people have to enter the contest, second, the contest ends saturday at midnight, and third, as in contests like this he gets the rights to the work, but it would be the same if you submitted it to the ensign or where ever else. The topic is something, I don't remember how he phrased it (it's probably on the website) but something like the inseperable connection between virtue and happiness. So write write write.
In other news, things are going well. I took a half sick day today because I was afraid I was getting whatever Dan and Danny have had, and as long as I don't move it's ok but still feel a little sick. I've started my spring cleaning early this year (Thanks, Jessica, for your help in getting started and motivated.) I went to Walmart and bought some plastic tubs to put all my stuff in (plastic tubs are more waterproof than cardboard boxes) and I also got a paper shredder and a clothes hamper and a garbage can that I can keep in my room to keep the clutter off the floor. OH, and an accordian file folder to sort papers in. So far I've filled two garbage bags, gone through all of my "important papers" and sorted out anything that needed shredding, been through half of my boxes to throw away anything I don't actually use/need/want, and cut up and thrown away all of my old garments. I need to create a DI pile too, get rid of all those old clothes that haven't fit me for 40 lbs or so. It has been fun. I'm glad to finally have something tangible to see progress in and to have a process for storing and keeping track of all my junk.
I've also started reading a new book. My therapist recommended it and Jessica checked it out of the library and let me borrow it when she was done. It is called "How to avoid marrying a jerk: the foolproof way to follow your heart without losing your mind" by John Van Epp. It has been an amazing read so far. Just the things that I have learned about my needs and wants and behaviors etc has been great! And reading it I wanted to get some feedback from you all: What would you say are the top 3 things you wish you had learned about your spouse before you got married? Or, what 3 things are you glad you learned about your spouse before you got married? What would you say are the top 3 stresses on your marriage right now? (nothing specific, obviously, but be honest) I'm trying to get a feel for how you all make your marriages work and how you felt you knew your spouse well enough to make that big leap. Anyways, any help in this would be much appreciated. I think that's a long enough post for now, so remember - write an entry for that contest, and answer the marriage questions. Peace.
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7 comments:
I'm thinking about this. I'll let you know.
The marriage question is a big one but I can tell you I knew Mark well before we got married. We have been albe to talk to eachother since the beginning of our relationship and still do. Communication is key because you can't understand someone when you don't know how they think/feel. We are alike in many ways but also very different and I really appreciate that Mark is willing to take the time to talk with me and try to understand my feelings and I try to do the same for him. The times we have struggles are the times when we don't communicate as well or are not as open/honest with the communication. Being able to communicate requires time and you need to be sure you give eachother the time necessary to feel comfortable to communicate. The next important thing is time. Mark and I have a weekly date. Yes we see eachother all the time but you need time just as a couple, away from it all.
My last suggestion is go to the Temple. Set a reasonable goal for you. For us it has been 1/month. If you are both worthy and willing to go to the Temple that means you can have the spirit to guide you and I know that going to the Temple has helped to strengthen and protect our marriage and family because it helps us keep the eternal perspective.
I hope this rambling helps. Love ya, Margaret
i think the things i wish i would've known are things that there is no way i could've known before. the experiences that brought those things to pass hadn't happened yet.
*i am glad i knew that the gospel was/is important to dan.
*i am glad i knew he wasn't very comfortable with kids. he has come a long way! and some of our nieces and nephews even like him!
*i am glad i knew he was/is a hard worker. he made it very clear to me from before we were even married that he wanted me to be able to stay home, with or without children. that meant a lot, still does. he has never, ever, not ever once said anything about my working (or lack thereof!) except that i could stay home. that has made every experience of the last few years much more bearable.
as far as stresses, i think you will find a lot of people will say
*money. luckily we really agree what to spend money on, and how to spend it. we just wish there was more of it:)
*having kids, or not having kids!
*hum, i'm not sure what else!
i agree 100% with margaret though. the temple has made such a difference in our marriage. we make it a point to get there each month. i know a lot of people will say it's easier when you don't have kids. it's not much easier! there are plenty of other things we could be doing too. bottom line is we make time for things that are important to us.
i am in no way perfect. i cannot expect dan to be either. we are helping each other be better. we both had very spiritual experiences before we got married that confirmed to us we were to marry each other. when things are hard, i just have to take myself back to that confirmation and move forward.
good luck rob! we never have all the answers in the beginning. we just learn as we go.
This is Russ, just to be clear. There aren't many things things I wished I'd known when Lish and I got married. We have probably already talked about most of them. Elisha and I argue differently, that was a big one. There are several ways to argue or disagree and many reasons to do so. Learning how Jessica argues would be important. Some people don't like being trapped by logic, others need it. I find that women in general don't like being trapped by man's logic. Women have their own logic and motivations, which is wonderful (and probably better). Discuss, discuss, discuss, and then talk about it. Lish and I talked about everything from finances to holidays, honeymoon expectations, kids, camping, cars, irrational habits and quirks etc. Anyway, everyone else kinda already said most of this, but good luck.
I'm still thinking about it too.
I like what everyone else has said. I wish we had talked about where to spend holidays before we got married. We've had it worked out for a long time now, but in the beginning it was pretty tough to split time with each of our families.
I think, too, sometimes we think that we need to learn everything about a person before we get married but being married is a process and people change and grow and adapt. I think if you spend too much time and energy on worrying about every little thing that they do that you don't like, no one would ever get married. If you know what kind of person they are and what is important to them, the rest of the little things can be overlooked. Because, really, none of us are perfect. And we can help each other on our journey to perfection. I learned very early on in our marriage that the Lord can help us overlook the little things and focus on the big, eternal picture.
Money is a huge thing that I think needs to be discussed before. What are your attitudes about money? Do you like having lots of money in savings for emergencies? Do you carry a huge balance on your credit card? Those things are important to talk about before.
And no one has said it yet, but it might be helpful to discuss attitudes and expectations about sex. Just sayin'. After money, sex is another big area that can cause misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
I'll keep thinking and let you know if something else comes to mind. All I know is that if you think too much about all the little things, it's too overwhelming! If you concentrate on the big picture, somehow the little things take care of themselves. Love ya!
Your Dad and I will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary in April - you would think that I would have some answers but, I don't. Every relationship is so different. I've learned alot as I've looked at each of our children's families. I like how you build your spouses up and look for and talk about their good qualities; I like that your spouses are better people because of you and that you are better because of them; I like seeing you set goals together and work towards them; I like that each partner does their best to lift when the other is having a hard time; I like that you all place great value on achieving eternal happiness instead of fleeting pleasure just so many things. There are many stresses as two individuals become one family - a meshing, a merging of ideas, habits, attitudes. One of our biggest stressors has been and continues to be how we spend our time - we may never work it out until the next life when time doesn't exist but, it still works. Actually, it's the differences in a couple that really make things interesting if we can embrace that and be willing to try something different and not always insist on having things our own way all the time. I guess there is no guarantee that you won't "marry a jerk" but, we have alot of help - The temple gives us a good guide, the scriptures, the family proclamation, prophets, prayer, personal revelation - we have so many good sources to look to for help if we will.
Most everything I can think of has already been said. There are a couple things that popped into my mind, though:
It's not possible to know everything about someone before you get married. People are just too complex. You can, however, get a pretty good idea of who they are and what's important to them if you listen to your gut and the Spirit.
As long as you are both committed to making the marriage work, you can resolve just about any issue. As Annie said, we both had a strong confirmation that we were right for each other before we got married. Whenever times get tough (and they do) I just think back to how I felt at that time and it helps keep things in perspective.
It's almost like gaining a testimony of your relationship. You get that first confirmation of your belief, and you spend the rest of your life trying to strengthen that testimony. And you just sort of go forward with faith that things will work out for the best because you have faith in your testimony.
Anyway, those are just some of my thoughts.
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