Wow, long title! Sorry. Thanks everyone for their participation in the poetry contest, again, it was good fun. I've been working on anxiety this week, and I've sure had a lot of it to work on. This semester started on Tuesday, and I'm NOT looking forward to it at all!! You don't even know! The only plus side is that one of my teachers (actually two since she teaches two of my classes) looks like Regina Spektor. It's uncanny! Everything from how she looks to how she talks and mannerisms when she is thinking. What's even weirder is that my poetry teacher looks like Marlene of the Atkinson family somehow, and he's a guy. He's a hoot, but he scares me.
Anyways, I only go to class Tuesday and Thursday but Tuesdays I go non stop from 9:10 a.m. till 3:20 p.m. and Thursday I go nonstop from 9:10 a.m. till 5 p.m. :( Then it's home by 5:45, eat dinner, leave at seven for my meeting and volleyball, and I just walked in the door about a half hour ago at 11:45. I'm beat. BUT, I think, with the Lord's help, I should be just fine. I guess that's really all that's new with me. So far no progress on the dating front but I'm not really concerned with that right now. It's weird because I don't really feel like my ward is where I'm going to meet my future wife, but I feel like I'm still supposed to be there... so I'm just waiting to see what happens. *shrugs* Wish me luck. I wanted to thank you all for letting me call you these past couple weeks, it has been nice to be able to talk to some of you one on one, I mean, I see you on Sundays sometimes, but we never really get to talk, so thanks :) Also, thanks for the continuing encouragement and support. I've really come a LONG way since April. Honestly, I can see hope again, and that's something I haven't seen for a long time. I'm still not perfect, but I'm learning that I don't need to be because in this life I never will be, but that I need to try. Someone once said that God doesn't give us struggles so we'll fail, He gives us struggles so we'll succeed. I think that is very true. So, my advice would be, keep struggling, keep fighting, and keep putting your faith in the only being that can help. I've learned more about faith and more about how to turn my will over to the Father in the last 2 months than I have the rest of my life. What a great way to learn, He just throws you in the water, and you'll probably be under for a while, but then you'll surface and try to get to the side and even though it feels like you could slip at any time your legs will start to kick and your arms will start to push and though it might take a while to get to the side of the pool you've learned how to control your breathing, how to do the best you can, and how to trust Him. Amazing. How would you learn that otherwise? Peace out.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Who'll start the bidding? Do I hear a nickle?
I got a lot of great poems, and after reading all of them I felt I needed to rewrite mine to catch up. So without any further ado here they are (not in any particular order) and you can vote for them on the right hand side --------> over there
#1
I used to would have never thought
I’d do the things I’ve done,
That life could really be this hard,
And parenting wouldn’t be fun.
But, alas, it’s true, that life has been
A jumble of good and bad
With things I wish I hadn’t done
And more I wish I had.
--------------------------------------------
#2
I used to would have never
Seen the value of my soul
Or hoped for something bigger
Or made happiness my goal.
I've never worked so strongly
Giving all the whole day through
I used to would have never
But I'm glad now that I do.
-------------------------------------------
#3
I used to would have never
should have never, but I do
in a clever way that cuts my spine,
like making angels in the sands of timelessness,
like a surreptitious kiss, once placed
is clasped upon my palm in an embrace
for mending; in its clever way fermenting
like sacramental wine upon my lips.
I used to would have never, should have never, but I do
in a clever way that hides inside
of me and out of you.
----------------------------------------------------------
#4
I used to would have never gone to see a broadway show,
Or read a book I didn't like, or driven quite this slow.
I used to would have never enjoyed lying in the sun
On beaches far away from home; it wouldn't have been fun.
I used to would have never eaten quite so many greens;
But now I see they help your health and keep you trim and lean.
I used to would have never dared to think I'd find a wife
Who cares for me unfailingly, with whom I'd share my life.
-----------------------------------------------------------
#5
I used to would have never stepped outside in broad daylight
Without precision makeup and my hair done up just right
I used to would have never worn a wrinkly, spotted shirt
Nor a pair of jeans with even the slightest bit of dirt.
But, today I think I’m lucky as I stumble through the mall,
If my backside’s fully covered & my hair’s been combed at all.
You’ll find no trace of makeup on my puffy, sleep-starved eyes
And I’m lucky if my shoes are both of equal shape and size.
But, it really doesn’t matter, no one ever looks at me
The precious baby in my stroller is all anyone can see.
#1
I used to would have never thought
I’d do the things I’ve done,
That life could really be this hard,
And parenting wouldn’t be fun.
But, alas, it’s true, that life has been
A jumble of good and bad
With things I wish I hadn’t done
And more I wish I had.
--------------------------------------------
#2
I used to would have never
Seen the value of my soul
Or hoped for something bigger
Or made happiness my goal.
I've never worked so strongly
Giving all the whole day through
I used to would have never
But I'm glad now that I do.
-------------------------------------------
#3
I used to would have never
should have never, but I do
in a clever way that cuts my spine,
like making angels in the sands of timelessness,
like a surreptitious kiss, once placed
is clasped upon my palm in an embrace
for mending; in its clever way fermenting
like sacramental wine upon my lips.
I used to would have never, should have never, but I do
in a clever way that hides inside
of me and out of you.
----------------------------------------------------------
#4
I used to would have never gone to see a broadway show,
Or read a book I didn't like, or driven quite this slow.
I used to would have never enjoyed lying in the sun
On beaches far away from home; it wouldn't have been fun.
I used to would have never eaten quite so many greens;
But now I see they help your health and keep you trim and lean.
I used to would have never dared to think I'd find a wife
Who cares for me unfailingly, with whom I'd share my life.
-----------------------------------------------------------
#5
I used to would have never stepped outside in broad daylight
Without precision makeup and my hair done up just right
I used to would have never worn a wrinkly, spotted shirt
Nor a pair of jeans with even the slightest bit of dirt.
But, today I think I’m lucky as I stumble through the mall,
If my backside’s fully covered & my hair’s been combed at all.
You’ll find no trace of makeup on my puffy, sleep-starved eyes
And I’m lucky if my shoes are both of equal shape and size.
But, it really doesn’t matter, no one ever looks at me
The precious baby in my stroller is all anyone can see.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Poetry
Well, we have just over one week left to turn in poems. How is everybody's coming? I have received two so far and they are both pretty good. I have yet to hear from any of the girls though. It is kind of a limitting topic for a poem, but remember, the THEME has to be "I used to would have never" that means you don't HAVE to use that line in the poem but you are more than welcome to because it really is poetic. Both of the ones submitted include it in there. Anyways, good luck, email em to me OH and EVERYONE is invited, that includes in-laws so I'm hoping the non-palmer blooded folk will voice too.
This week has been a good week. My knees have been hurting for about 5 or 6 weeks now because of volleyball, but it's a good pain, feel the burn. And, I think I've had fun this week. *shrugs* I dunno. I keep track of my mood and how much sleep I get etc. I actually average 6.9 hours of sleep a night, though most is on the weekends. But for the last 2 weeks I've only had one or two down days. That's a stark improvement. I've also been trying to get to bed before midnight and this week I've also been trying to be off the computer by midnight. We'll see how that goes. When it's late is the only time it's cool enough in here to use the computer it seems like. We have our thermistat set at 85 I think to keep the coils from freezing. It works, but makes it really warm to try to sleep. Luckily it gets cold enough at night to open a window.
Anyways, yes, definitely get your poems submitted by next Friday and it should be good times. Also, I'm planning on going fishing sometime this weekend, probably either up at brighton's silver lake or out at settlement resevoir... if anyone would like to go with me or has a suggestion for a better place they'd like to go, let me know. Peace out.
This week has been a good week. My knees have been hurting for about 5 or 6 weeks now because of volleyball, but it's a good pain, feel the burn. And, I think I've had fun this week. *shrugs* I dunno. I keep track of my mood and how much sleep I get etc. I actually average 6.9 hours of sleep a night, though most is on the weekends. But for the last 2 weeks I've only had one or two down days. That's a stark improvement. I've also been trying to get to bed before midnight and this week I've also been trying to be off the computer by midnight. We'll see how that goes. When it's late is the only time it's cool enough in here to use the computer it seems like. We have our thermistat set at 85 I think to keep the coils from freezing. It works, but makes it really warm to try to sleep. Luckily it gets cold enough at night to open a window.
Anyways, yes, definitely get your poems submitted by next Friday and it should be good times. Also, I'm planning on going fishing sometime this weekend, probably either up at brighton's silver lake or out at settlement resevoir... if anyone would like to go with me or has a suggestion for a better place they'd like to go, let me know. Peace out.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Don't should on yourself
Here are some pictures I've taken the last few days. The sunset picture was from my apartment window, and the rest were from fishing. Those fish are only about 4 inches long. Anyways, update time again. Things are going well. I had a couple weeks of being frustrated but that seems to have lifted a little. My therapist always says not to should on myself. It's weird and catches me off guard every time she says it. But it makes a lot of sense. You'll notice that usually when you say something with should, it is almost always followed by a 'but', either implicit or explicit. Guy on my mission said that the word 'but' stands for "behold the underlying truth" and when someone says 'but' that you immediately disregard the first half of the sentence. Anyways, I've simplified my study routine by about half, I think this week I'm going to try to move it to a different time, like earlier in the day. I've also been trying to get to bed earlier, see if I can get more sleep and maybe that'll help clear my mind. We also decided that I really like talking with people and making connections with people which is why I chat online so much. I'm slowly trying to switch over to real, live people, but that's difficult and a lot more emotionally risky. For some reason it hurts more when you talk to someone face to face and they don't seem like they want to talk to you at all. Online you can talk to many people at once, and if you don't like em, you say goodbye and ignore em. I dunno. I'm learning. I'm glad to hear everyone is doing well, sounds like we've all been making progress. I gotta be honest with you, I think our family is pretty great.
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