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Greatest Song Ever

I thought I'd let you all in on a song that has changed my life in a very profound way. It's in my videos section. I won't ruin what it is but you should all recognize it. It's one of those songs that I remember from my childhood. I remember it mostly because it made me cry every time I heard it, and after not hearing it for 10 years I heard it again a while back, and it made me cry then too, and, I don't think he'd admit it, but I think I saw dad cry too. I think it made me a compassionate person. I think it taught me at a very young age what the effects of being mean were and what it meant to struggle with something bigger than myself. I feel the same way sometimes, having lost many battles in my life and not knowing how to carry on. Powerful song, that. I've tried to learn how to play it on the guitar, but I know I'd never be able to make it through the whole song so I leave it to that humble man to pour his heart out. I hope it has touched each of your lives, and I hope if it hasn't that it will.

Worth if I don't

Posting time again I'm headed out with all my friends.... (that's the opening line of a Jewel song, modified) Hello all once again. Thought I would write and update things. First I'll be flying to Arizona with Russ on the 23rd. Should be fun, hot, but fun. We got the whole trip to 200 a person. Second, ummm, I guess that's all that's new really. So I failed my homework assignment on finding infinite worth. I fasted for it on Sunday (does saying what you fast for make it not come true?) to learn about/feel infinite worth. I can't say as though I received an answer really. I did come across a couple things that caught my attention. In the July Ensign on page 33 there is a quote by Elder Marvin J. Ashton that says "To be in control of your life, to be a success regardless of your situation as a single, I recommend you come to know your Father in Heaven. Come to love Him. Always remember that He loves you and will give you guidance and support if you will but give Him the chance. Include Him in your decision making. Include Him in your heartaches and heartbreaks. Include Him when you take inventory of your personal worth." and then quotes alma 34:32. I had never really considered that before. I don't know of any quote really that would speak directly to me more than this quote. I dunno, I guess I'm still working on it. I'm glad to see our family interacting so much more now. I'm glad that we've all started sharing more and getting to know each other better. I'm also glad that I'm learning some good strategies for coping with stress and anger and hurt feelings and criticism, by mostly being aware of what I'm feeling and noticing patterns in thoughts as they relate to moods and actions. What a wonderful thing. I can't say I'm happy all the time, but I can say that I've come a long way in the last 3 months. I can't say that I love myself most of the time, but I can say that I'm learning how to do that. Woah, deja vu. I've seen this before... so weird.. everything from the quote to Heather's chocolate chip cookie recipe. Freaky. Anyways, Have a great week everyone.

Worth if I do

So, I received a card on Sunday with "Dating Rules" on it. Rule number 1 "Do not date anyone not qualified to go to the temple." I cannot begin to describe to you how angry and frustrated this made me. My logical brain said "It's worded funny, they don't mean don't date people that don't have recommends. They wouldn't say that." But... my emotional side won. "How dare they discount the work I've been doing? Rule number 1 "don't date Robert because he isn't worthy of happiness."" I hope you're mad too. Luckily I had the sense to go to Mom's and Dad's instead of brewing at home. Thanks again, Mom, for your kind words. Needless to say, we spent some time talking about it today in therapy. She was mad too.
An amazing thing happened. She asked "What would Heavenly Father say about your worth?" It was difficult for me but eventually realized that He would be optimistic. I said He would focus on my successes. He would say that I'm on the right path and to keep going, that I'm almost there. She read that back to me, with my name in it. "Robert, you have had a lot of successes and I am proud of you. You have infinite worth, even when you can't see it. You are on the right path, the path that will lead you back to me, to where you long to be. You are almost there, keep going, Robert. I have faith in you." Does that hit you like it hit me? My homework this week is to figure out how I know I have infinite worth in four different ways: Intellectually, Emotionally, Spiritually and Psychologically. Intellectually is the easy one, the scriptures say it. Christ paid an infinite price for me. Try that on ebay. That has a great psychological impact as well. If he paid that price then I must be worth it. If I am a child of God, then I am worth it. Spiritually is slightly more complicated, but still evident. He blesses me for small successes. Abundantly. He is quick to forgive. Sometimes he guides me by the hand, but I cherish the times when he lets me take a couple steps on my own, even though it's hard, because I know that means He trusts me. And that gives me worth. Emotionally knowing is the hard one. Emotion is the hardest to create and the easiest to destroy. I suppose it only comes from the other three. Once I know my worth then I can begin to feel my worth. Feeling worth is something I haven't done in a long time, a dang long time. But, I'm the closest I've been in the same dang long time to feeling it again, and that's encouraging. Tricky thing, infinite worth. We're worth if we do, and worth if we don't. Oh, and just as an update, remember my post on May 28th? Well, I've made my bed every morning since then. Me, can you imagine?