So, I wish I had something fun to talk about. I dunno, just wanted to thank everyone for the fun camping trip. It was fun to see "everyone" playing games with us, but I wish we could have had more involvement. I know it did my heart good to play and laugh. I hope everyone had fun. I sure enjoyed playing with the kids.
I was late for my therapy today. Got lost in my work and lost track of time, but I made it. She's so funny sometimes. She's always so excited about my accomplishments, more excited than me probably. She's like one of those friends that always has something good to say and a hand to lend. We didn't seem to click today, however. I reported about my experiment with "Robert Fun", as she calls it. Yes, the fun I had up at the camp was called "Robert Fun" because it's the type of fun that I like to have. I worry a lot of times with ward activities that they (the other ward members) will want me to have their type of fun, and I won't like their type of fun. So she told me to have Robert Fun and then even if nobody else joins me I'll still have a good time. Sounds like it's worth a try. So I practiced on you all, I hope you don't mind, but it seemed like some of you had fun with me too, so I suppose it was worth it. It has been fun trying to get to the root of my problems and struggles. I'm learning to be able to look back at hard times to the very emotions and thoughts and feelings and images to find my motivations. Fear is a big one, fear of the unknown, even in the smallest sense. But, even with all my faults, I think I like me, at least the me that I remember. I do like to have fun, and I do like being close to people, and getting to know people is worth the hassle. Just hard to remind myself of that.
Anyways, I'm interested to hear how you all are doing, your insights, suggestions, things you've tried that have worked for you.
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7 comments:
You were awesome at camp! Experiment or not, it looked like you were having fun, even just hanging out with everyone. I'm SO glad that you came. I know sometimes it's hard for me to want to do things that take me out of my comfort zone or that require work. So I'm really proud of you for putting forth the effort to interact with us all! Even though we are all family, it's still hard sometimes to interact and connect. (At least for me it is sometimes!)
Anyway, I love ya! I'm proud of you for all the changes you are making in your life! It's amazing to see the transformation in you lately. (Not that I haven't always loved you...*grin*) You just seem happier and that makes me happy, too!
Camping was good. I had a good time too. I was going to take lots of books and just read but then I thought "You can read anytime but there aren't many times we can interact" So I left the books home.
You know one of the things that has probably helped me most during the really hard times is writing. When I was writing poetry I really had to look around and see what was happening and then try to interpret it in my mind. I guess it just helped me focus better. I seemed to see events with different eyes and hear things with different ears. Maybe I need to do some more writing but then I'm faced with that four-letter word again - FEAR. Keep up the good work. Love Ya.
I remember in school when Kristin and Terrisa would try to coerce me into doing something with them and I would say "I'm busy," and they would say "but you're just reading." Well, that's fun to me. Or I would say "I have plans for tonight," and they would say, "but you're just going to watch tv." Well, that's what my plans are.
As that dude on Northern Exposure said, "It's not the thing you fling, it's the fling itself." (He wanted to fling a cow in a giant catapult, but then someone told him that Monty Python had already done that. So he flung something else like a piano...I don't remember what he flung in the end, only that he flung it. And that's the point, right?
)
I've never been the kind of guy to participate in what other people think is fun (and that I don't think is fun). But, then again, sometimes you find something you really like by getting a little out of your comfort zone and trying it.
I never liked water much (I still don't like to drink it much, but that's another story). I hated trying to swim or waterski or anything. And for a long time I thought that I just plain didn't like it.
Then I realized that I didn't like it simply because of some bad experiences having to do with not being able to see while around water (with the glasses and all).
Now I quite enjoy swimming, and am excited to go out and try waterskiing again.
The same thing with fishing; I never liked it because I didn't like the people I knew who did it. Turns out I really enjoy it (if you can judge it based on 3 unsuccessful hours of it).
Not that this actually has anything to do with your post, but I'm just saying that, even though it's nice to just do things that you know you like, sometimes there's value in learning to enjoy other things as well. We can't always choose to do what we like, but we always have to option of choosing to like what we do.
The way I usually cope is to escape. For me, when I'm in the mountains, at the rifle range, watching a movie or even mowing the lawn while listening to music, I'm in another world. Sometimes when people talk to me, I've escaped to another world as well. :) Sometimes I'm not to far into my other world, sometimes I'm deep into my other world
I always know that I've been truly in my other world when I realize, "I haven't thought about **Add the things that suck here** all day."
Once I return from my other world the "Things that suck" seem so much easier to cope with. For example, all the way to Camelot I kept seeing the price of gas and thinking "OH CRAP" (or something like that). On the way home, after visiting my other world (mountains, fishing, photography, family, camping), I saw some gas prices and thought "Oh Well, I'll just deal with it".
Dan, I agree with you about doing stuff with other people. I remember I used to dislike guns and you guys kept asking me to go shooting with you and now, I own a few guns and enjoy using them to get to my other world and bond with family and friends.
Uncle Rob Bob, "Robert Time" must be fun, because I really didn't notice you experimenting on us. Or I was asleep..
Wow, this was a long ramble. I feel like I've commented on everything from camping to Global Warming. Sorry.
Global warming is a Crock.
There. My post is complete.
I want to say that I too agree with James, global my-sphinter-says-what? I couldn't tell what type of evil scheme you were up too but my spidy-sence says that everyone had a good time because no one in this family is a freak about making sure that there is some sort of "activity" involvment going on. I mean no one is forcing an issue of entertaining each other by means of vacationing together. Fun is what you make it. I had a blast playing a simple game of family vollyball and water balloon toss. A random quote "People, people we need your money" -Spanky from Little Rascals
true.
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